The Current Carries

The original version of this painting, titled The Deep End, was created in 2022 in shades of black, gray, and metallic silver. Looking back, I realize it was not simply a painting of darkness. It was a portrait of what it felt like to be trapped inside it.

I saw myself drowning in a black and endless sea. Somewhere nearby was a current strong enough to carry me away, but I could not reach it. Every time I believed I was getting closer, another wave pulled me beneath the surface. The light felt impossibly far away, and survival meant finding enough strength to rise for one more breath.

There was a woman who connected deeply with The Deep End. She could not wait to take it home and hang it on her wall. I have often wondered what she saw within all that black. Perhaps she recognized her own darkness in mine, or found comfort in knowing that someone else understood what it felt like to struggle beneath the surface.

My hope is that when she looks at it today, she no longer sees the place where she lives. I hope she sees a part of her past, a darkness she once knew but was never meant to remain inside. She has endured her own difficult seasons, but today she carries a light within her that helps guide her through them. I hope the painting now reminds her not only of who she was, but of everything she survived to become who she is.

Recreating some of my earlier work has given me the unexpected gift of meeting my former self again. These pieces connected with people because they were honest. They held the emotions I did not yet know how to explain. But when I look at photographs of them now, I am no longer looking through the same eyes.

I no longer see only a sea of black.

The darkness is still present because healing does not erase where we have been. But now there is color within it. Deep blues move through the shadows like water carrying both memory and pain. The current that once felt unreachable is no longer hidden. It has become a brilliant river of gold, so radiant that it could be seen for miles across the darkest sea.

There are still days when I feel the deep blue closing over me. There are still waves that pull harder than I expect and moments when I struggle to remember which way leads back to the surface. But something within me has changed.

Now, I know to look for the light.

It does not always rescue me gently. Sometimes it burns through the darkness, demanding to be seen. Sometimes it appears only as a small shimmer in the distance. But I recognize it now. I trust it.

The Deep End represented the place where I once believed I was drowning. The Current Carries represents what I understand today. The current was never there to pull me under. It was there to carry me toward the light.

No matter how far the waves take me or how deep the darkness becomes, that light will always call me home.

The Current Carries is now available as a fine art print. Price below is for a 18x24 print on canvas.

Original painting added as a before and after.